disease & void --- (spoken word poetry + music - no singing or rapping)

disease & void 
http://azdi404.blogspot.com/

My dear, my adore
let me update you on the feelings under my skin,
I can stir the relapsing chronic passion
the infection you gifted me
that's coming back like a pestering friend

down in a hole leading to an exit into the void
lay on me a sheet or two of poems I wrote,
your photo is requesting my trust again
crawling with memories of a walk with you in the past
we walked through the valley of shadow of death
I had no fear but of you leading me astray again
from finding a way into you

well, It's a troubled time when my useless spirit is turned on
not any closer than before, not far from your bed either,
every filtered moment has a phase obstructing my judgment
marking the final screenshots of my stalled day

everything is still the same  
except for that sparkle in your eyes  
my infatuation with your potent smile   
curls into a fetal stance of what's coming next

behind these feelings
comes the hummings of the kabbala spells in the breakup  
a mutiny converging on me like a rabid disease
isolating me from the world, I used to know 

it shifts into different levels of optional exiles & suicides
but they all float in your orbit. 
 
I watch as you romance your pick of men, except me,
I'm wrapped in my decaying skin,
waiting for the expiration date to take effect;

There is so much to talk about before I go
I want to say. I’m not a poet
I just happen to adore you
I didn't mean to manifest your ego.
Details of my blunders are in the rear-view mirror with my disease.

I find things I touch can’t feel me  
words I say won’t echo too far  
images I dreamt won’t stabilize
visions I imagine won’t fly high enough  
everything I do doesn’t mean anything  
but I’m feeling something out of the ordinary  

the final chapter is so much clearer in the rear-view mirror
with my disease escorting me down into the void

I’m feeling emptiness;
I’m feeling emptiness;
and true feelings; this is  
to know what it’s like to be absolutely nothing
but manifesting three into one
myself with my two companions
the disease you gave me
and the void you put me in. 
=
lyrics & vocals by azdi404
music credit: Illegal prod. by Antidote Beats
====