"Unknown" - Spoken Word

“Unknown” – Spoken Word

It’s so Unknown//
The clear thought of who I am is so unknown//
There’s like two sides of me… so when I die write “R.I.P two face” on my stone//
One side is rebellious, and the other is a high-level Christian that mastered these poems//
But step to my face you get two stones to the back//
Dig a six feet hole cover it in some sticks set a trap//
Chase you to your grave playing tag//
Push you into your solitary confinement cover the hole with dirt then mark your remains with a flag//
So, in a few months when I come back//
I’ll know where your body is at//
Dig your remains up then body it in a bag//
Then toss you into a river with a heavy current//
Now see I know how that looks very graphic and disturbing//
But welcome to my mind where grace flows but temptations always flirting//
Never hide behind the sheets I rip open the curtains//
I’ve been two faced the past year and a half I know that for certain//
Hating behind peoples backs but loving them in person//
Christians should truly love and not act but the word love is spelt out in cursive//
A lot of twists and bends it’s hard to love beneath the surface//
Sometimes people gamble your love and see it as worth it//
To the point you become unfixable then stick a sticky note to your forehead with the words written in big font OUT OF SERVICE//
“You can’t let that take your purpose”//
“You gotta remember you’re an item that’s already been purchased”//
Those are words from fans… just know I heard it//
But hurtful words and actions from close ones make me wordless//
Until I hop onto this laptop and type words that fit//
It’s so unknown, I look back at my reflection in the mirror and I don’t recognize this kid//
I was once innocent but now I adamantly believe that I have a spirit of Adam and Eve//
That bites into a fist full of the apple doubting Gods promise to me//
Why do I disbelieve truth but believe deceit?//
Maybe it’s what this life brought up in me//
Been broken too frequently recently//
Dropping opportunities that can get me past the stars the galaxies into make believe//
And all for what…?//
Nothing but the same old things that gets me visioning me on my death bed dying regretting my whole life//
It’s hard to trust Christ because my purpose was taken by demons in one night//
It’s hard to believe I can be loved by God when the ones closest to me burn me with fake comfort//
Just to seem appealing to people for their own relief from night terrors and suffers//
While not knowing their words make me sunburnt//
Because I didn’t know I was supposed to apply protection from my so called “lovers”//
I would be lucky if peeps around me got along but fairy land is dying out, I don’t believe in 4 leaf clovers//
Love is nonexistent//
But the existence of hate keeps getting closer and closer//
I’ll believe that until someone shows me that love is not intoxicated by posers//
I get PTSD when people try to hug me, I need closure//
Because the same people that comforted me with hugs are now coming for my throat//
I don’t know who to trust so I lock myself in my room//
Drown my ear canals with the instrumental in these headphones//
Because at least these instrumentals don’t talk back//
They just go with the flow, and make my hard black heart shimmer light between the cracks//
Instrumentals give me the hope I never had//
Instrumentals give me a sense of relief//
Instrumentals don’t wrap its grip around my neck, yelling the difference between who I am and who I can be//
But instrumentals are not the type of love that I need/
I searched everywhere for love.. but I’m a sceptic now and don’t believe//
So sometimes I cut just to see if it’s a dream//
Wake up then figure out its blood that I bleed//
Then wonder why my own DNA just leave//
Hate grows big but love dies down and becomes static//
Criticize myself so much that it shows on my exterior while I’m lying in my own sweat paralyzed on my mattress//
People criticize so much that I think I already fell off, so I label myself “a has been”//
People affected me so much, but I can’t let them steal my passion//
Because to be honest poetry is the only attire that I like for fashion//
And these words fuel my actions to set your words to ashes//
Sorry I think I was being too nice there, just a little passive//
What I meant to say was, I’m drowning your opinions of me in acid//
No longer letting your words mold my heart till it’s hard like plastic//
No longer letting your opinions over me make my say so invalid//
God take my mind back and mold your foundation within me… unwavering like molasses//